Honestly Struggling

Okay, here's the scoop.  There are those kind of people who think they can't do anything wrong.  Then there are others, like me, who beat ourselves up.  So, what's my point?  Well, I struggle with being totally honest about my struggles on such a public platform, however, I love to journal and believe in being real and transparent because you never know how your story may help another.  So here's what's been on my mind, plaguing me relentlessly? 

• I struggle with how much we have.  I feel like we have too much but yet am easily drawn to the "lie" that I need more.  Our pastor has reminded us that how we spend our money is evidence to who or what takes precedence in our lives.  I about went through the roof when I saw one of the girls kick their new AG doll.  What?  I hate it when they can't find a specific toy, put their toys away, etc....  Are they/we spoiled?  I really am beginning to re-evaluate the concept of "less is more." 
• I am struggling with feeling as though I am horrible with being consistent in dealing with my children.  Am I too hard?  Do I concentrate too much on this or that?  Am I actually too lenient?  Should I spank more, use timeout more?  Should I have a more organized system for discipline, chores, rewards, allowance, scripture memory, ...?  Should they eat or not eat in the living room?  And the questions continue to mount in my mind. 
• My weight is really bothering me.  The fact I seem to have absolutely no self-control is ridiculous.  I am not being a very good example to my children.  It isn't so much about the number but how I feel.  I am going to try counting calories, or at least watching them.  My friend told me she thinks of calories as dollars.  She thinks about how she wants to spend them each day.  Hmmmm....definitely food for thought!
• Pride.  Funny how even when I am feeling down I am struggling with pride.
• My biggest problem, I have been livin' without prayin'.  What makes me think I can get through my day or decisions without consulting my Abba?  Well, duh?  Most of these other issues wouldn't be plaguing me if I was talking to the God of the Universe.  How incredible that although He is GOD, He cares about me! 

O Holy Father, Please forgive me!  I have been prideful, thinking I can get through my days without filling up on Your Word and praying.  "This is the day the Lord has made, let me rejoice and be glad in it."  Remind me each day is a new day, with a new opportunity to do better.  Thank you for loving me, despite my imperfections.